Wednesday, 3rd June 2020

'Making memories' confirmed to be same thing as 'existing'

PEOPLE who claim they are ‘making memories’ are just putting a twee spin on the endless drudgery of being alive, it has been confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that people who talk about making memories are likely to be control freaks who want others to think their life is not as tedious as it actually is.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Remembering things is a biological process that happens automatically, so you're not actually 'making' memories and therefore you are talking bullshit.

“You make a memory every time you have a shit or put the bins out. The difference is that you don’t take a photograph of it and post it on social media with an upbeat caption about how wonderful everything is.

“If you were genuinely having a lovely time you wouldn’t feel the need to do some mad mental gymnastics about how great you’re going to feel in the future when looking back at this past event, would you?

“Also, ‘making memories’ is one of those phrases that sounds a bit disturbing coming out of the mouth of anyone over the age of 14.

“Can’t people just be alive without being dicks about it?”