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Man calls off night out with unpopular friend because we're in mourning

A MAN has used this period of national mourning as an excuse to call off a night out with a friend he did not want to meet.

Tom Booker has reassured unlikeable friend Martin Bishop that under normal circumstances he would love to go for a drink and listen to his boring anecdotes, but following the death of the Queen it would be inappropriate.

Booker said: “Talk about bad timing. The one night I’m free to hear Martin drone on about his crush on Hannah from marketing or his latest cryptocurrency purchases and I have to stay at home wearing black tie.

“No, the pubs aren’t shut, but it would be tone-deaf to go out and get smashed. Even though there’s no official etiquette which dictates I remain home finishing off Better Call Saul and eating a lamb bhuna, I know that’s what the nation expects of me.

“Maybe I’ll be able to hang out with Martin in a week or so, once the funeral is over. Although my diary’s filling up pretty fast so I might not be able to squeeze him and his list of videogame achievements in until 2023, by which time he might prefer to hang out with someone else.”

Bishop said: “Typical. The last time we’d arranged a night out was for the end of March 2020. I’m starting to think Tom must be cursed, it’s the only explanation for why these nights out never happen.”

The whole UK is united in solemn mourning for Her Majesty vs have you seen social media?

IS the whole country as one, brought together by grief for our monarch no matter what your political persuasion, or have you seen social media? Find out: 

Media

The nation is respectfully observing the passing of a woman who served her country without complaint for 70 years

Social media

If you would prefer to believe the above do not look for any reason look at Twitter, where a veritable festival of disrespect began on Thursday and is yet reaching new heights

Media

All Britons, whether Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish, have come together to mark the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, a constant in their lives

Social media

Want to keep thinking that? Avoid Scottish, Welsh, and especially Irish voices on Facebook, where very different opinions on the Queen, the monarchy and indeed English history prevail

Media

The entire world, from the Commonwealth and beyond, is shaken by the loss of the longest-serving monarch since Louis XIV, and they share our pain

Social media

If that’s how you see the world you’ve likely never heard of TikTok but, still, stay the f**k off TikTok if you don’t want to see sassy American teens dancing and profanely blaming all racist and colonialism entirely on one specific, recently departed, person

Media

All of Britain is following the ten-day mourning period rigidly. Days are spent watching tributes and laying bouquets. The country hasn’t spoken as one like this in years

Social media

The media is speaking as one. The actual residents of Britain are speaking loudly and plainly and being entirely ignored. Funny how the Daily Mail turns six mean tweets about Doctor Who into a story but has no idea this is even happening, isn’t it?

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