'My joke about current events was tasteful but you, someone I don't like, have crossed a line'

WHILE many jokes about current events have successfully walked the line between compassion and humour, I’m afraid you – who I do not like – have gone too far. 

At a fraught time like this many of us, myself included, are harmlessly satirising proceedings while being careful not to punch down. But instead my long-term rival and sworn enemy has piped up with a joke that should see them cancelled into oblivion.

My gentle ribbings have proved that it is still okay to laugh at a time like this. My wit was clever rather than crass, daring rather than depraved. Disgracefully you, who were always a twat, were the opposite.

Your lack of tact is typical of someone with your political leanings and taste in films. I am shocked and appalled that someone I hold in such low regard could sink still lower.

If you believe what you said to be acceptable, it says a lot about you. That you could think such a quip was good-natured and well within the bounds of taste proves your unfitness to remain in society. You should be arrested or at the very least silenced forever.

And you think my joke was beyond the pale. You! A person without scruple, morals or decency! Having the temerity to judge my subtle, measured jocularity!

No, your joke went too far. It crossed every line. You knew it did when you made it and you wanted the outrage you have received. And just when Britain is suffering so. You f**king prick.

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'If it's such a burden why do they live well into their 90s?' wonders traitorous shitheap

A VILE traitor and sack of shit has asked why being a senior royal is always described as a ‘burden’ given their tendency to thrive to a ripe old age. 

Malcontent Tom Logan, who must be shunned like a Nazi letting agent, said: “If someone offered me huge houses, limousines, an army of servants and all the horses you can eat, I would ask ‘what’s the catch?’

“If I was told that two or three times a week I’d have to meet some strangers and or prime ministers and ask them fairly innocuous questions, that would not correspond with my definition of ‘burden’.

“Like any sane person, I do not want to meet Liz Truss – not even for eight seconds, never mind every f**king Wednesday – but I could cope if I had to.”

Logan added, like the turd in life’s fruit bowl he is: “Working in a steel mill or a coal mine does seem to be more of a ‘burden’. Something confirmed by the fact that very few of those poor buggers make it to 80.”