A MAN keeps managing to cover every single inch of the loo seat with p*ss, despite completing his potty training more than 39 years ago.
Julian Cook’s behaviour has baffled his partner Carolyn Ryan, who is unsure if he is just too lazy to put the seat up or is engaged in some sort of urine-based ‘project’.
Ryan said: “I’m always wiping the seat. Is Julian just an inconsiderate pig or is something else going on? Maybe he can’t see all the yellow splashes. Is ‘p*ss blindness’ a thing?”
However Cook, 42, said: “Having a wee is like colouring in, or playing a computer game. My quest is to fill as much of that inviting white seat as possible. It’s a bit like Tetris.
“I actually think I might have magic wee because it always disappears right after I’ve done it. Well, after Carolyn goes in the bathroom. But same difference.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Dogs mark their territory by urinating on trees and bushes. Human males do the same on toilet seats and floors.
“Women should take it as a compliment that their partner feels such a strong sense of belonging and commitment. But keep the Marigolds handy.”