Man emerging from the queue struggling to adjust to normal life

A MAN who has emerged from the lying-in-state queue is struggling to get used to normal civilian life, it has emerged.

Having stood in line for 11 hours to pay his respects to the Queen, mourner Josh Hudson emerged blinking from Westminster Hall into a strange new world free from the rules of his previous life in the queue.

He said: “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, but now it’s finally here I don’t know what to do with myself. You’re telling me I can walk down the street as fast as I like or have a sit down? Madness.

“It feels like a lifetime ago that I joined the back of the queue and started slowly shuffling towards my eventual freedom. In many ways I was a different person; younger, more naive. Time in the queue gives you a new perspective.

“The queue wasn’t all bad though. I made lots of friends and we’ve promised to stay in contact on the outside. I’ve even learnt my lesson and will never join a massive queue without snacks ever again.”

Hudson’s partner Kelly Howard said: “Re-entering the real world has been a real shock to Josh’s system. I’m thinking of taking him to Thorpe Park to help him acclimatise. The queues aren’t as big but they should help take the edge off.”

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Mum who 'just wants children to be happy' also wants them to be tall, slim and academically gifted

A MOTHER who claims she just wants her children to be happy is also secretly hoping they become genius supermodels, it has emerged.

Helen Archer insists that her children can turn out however they want, and that their extracurricular viola and Mandarin lessons are not part of some grand scheme to influence their future choices.

Archer said: “A lot of people expect too much of their children, but as long as Oliver and Emily are content and fulfilled, I don’t mind what they end up doing. As long as it’s more impressive than my friends’ kids, obviously.

“They could be refuse workers or shelf-stackers, for all I care. I mean, it’s unlikely as I’m a divorce lawyer and Daddy is a surgeon, but I wouldn’t mind. No, honestly.”

Archer, who has enrolled Oliver at a bilingual private kindergarten and is planning to send Emily next year, insists she also has no preference when it comes to their looks.

“Of course, it would be lovely if they favoured me rather than their father – blonde instead of mousy, willowy instead of dumpy. But that would just be an added bonus. Not a necessity by any means.

“Emily might want electrolysis if she gets her Granny’s facial hair. I’d pay for that. But only if she wants it.”