Thursday, 25th February 2021

Man gets into DIY just to wear tool belt and feel like Batman

A MAN’S tool purchases were made in the pretence of doing DIY when he really plans to wear a tool belt like Batman.

Stephen Malley thought it would be handy to have some useful items like a drill, a hammer and a piece of rope that looks a bit like a Bat-Lasso, along with a belt to keep them in.

Malley’s girlfriend Charlotte Phelps said: “Whatever bullshit reason he gave, he got a tool belt because he wants to look like the caped crusader.

“Sadly, he doesn’t resemble a muscular crime fighter with an intriguing dark side. He resembles a balding, 35 year-old IT consultant wearing a tool belt.

“He even wears it when there’s no DIY to be done. He just wanders around, occasionally reaching for his glue gun or throwing a spanner at the couch as if it’s one of those boomerang things Batman had.

“Plus, he’s shit at DIY. I don’t recall a scene in any of the films where Bruce Wayne is reduced to tears after spending three hours failing to put up a shelf.

“If he buys a cape I’m leaving him.”