A MAN has added a whole new element of twattishness to his personality by taking up indoor rock climbing.
Recruitment consultant Nathan Muir is already a twat in many ways, but can now attempt to impress people with climbing jargon and dull anecdotes about things he has climbed.
He said: “Not many hobbies have as much potential for twattishness as rock climbing. After just a few sessions I’m already a pretty serious bore about it.
“It’s not a useless hobby either. If I’m ever lost in the wilderness and I need to scramble up a wall with strategically placed grips next to a crash pad, I’ll be ready.
“If I start outdoor climbing I’ll be able to tell everyone about getting up absurdly early to climb a rock face they’ve never heard of. And I can bang on self-importantly about the importance of safety.
“Because it’s a full-body exercise I can feel every single part of me becoming more irritating each time I go. I’ll be a Piers Morgan-tier twat in no time.”
Climbing instructor Emma Bradford said: “Nathan’s already throwing baffling terms like ‘bouldering’ into everyday conversations. I think he may have a natural aptitude for twattishness.”