Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Man too macho to drive wife's car

A MAN has refused to compromise his masculinity by driving his wife’s Fiat 500, he has confirmed. 

Wayne Hayes, an IT professional from Stafford, is concerned his alpha male status will be threatened if he is seen driving the 1.4 litre three-door hatchback.

He said: “My car’s in the garage, bloody cyclists, so the wife said I could take hers to work. I got the bus. The lads can’t see me in that.

“I’m fifteen stone of pure testosterone. A body with this much muscle mass and back hair would overwhelm a quirkly little runaround clearly designed for women.

“People would think I’d been castrated, or worse, that Shelley wears the trousers in our marriage.

“I’m all for women’s rights, but everyone knows there are biological and automotive differences between the sexes. I’d feel like a transvestite.”

Wife Kerry said: “Wayne sees the world through the prism of possible slights to his genitalia. He won’t eat bananas in public, and believes electric cars to be unmanly because they’re quiet.

“I’d tell him to pull himself together if I didn’t think he’d cry.”