A MAN is desperately trying to convince his wife that he needs to spend £500 on a ‘compact’ flamethrower.
Bill McKay told his wife Sarah that it was a logical decision and he cannot believe he has coped this long without one.
McKay said: “The more I thought about it, the more inexplicable it was that I had never owned even the most basic flamethrower.
“It would be the best £500 I’ve ever spent and if anyone says otherwise they can tell it to my flamethrower.”
When asked to name just one legal and non-destructive use for the device, McKay admitted his plans were based largely on ‘societal breakdown’.
Sarah McKay said: “I don’t trust Bill to light the barbecue, so in an ideal world he wouldn’t be armed with a deadly fire catapult.
“Then again, he may end up burning down his shed which is full of his other stupid, pointless crap.”