A MAN who spent at least three years of his youth saving spent fireworks in jars cannot now comprehend why he did that.
Joseph Turner, aged 54, used to spend every November 6th hunting for burnt-out Roman candles and fallen rockets then collect the charred remains, a set of actions he now struggles to justify even to himself.
He said: “Kids love fireworks, that bit makes sense. But for some reason I wasn’t able to let go.
“I guess it’s hard to remember just how grey, shit and dull life was in the 1970s, with no telly and piss-all to do but build ambitious dens on waste ground which equally bored older kids would kick down the same day.
“Then, one night a year, there was fire and explosions and excitement and the delicious scent of money being spent frivolously. I suppose I tried to hold onto that magic, like a child in communist Bulgaria would treasure a precious empty Coca-Cola can.
“But what I ended up with was two shelves of jars full of ashes like I was living in the back room of a crematorium. My mum threw them out, as all 70s mums did with anything their children owned. I don’t think I even moaned.”
He added: “F**king today’s elder millennials with their 90s childhoods collecting pogs and Pokemon cards. They don’t know they’re f**king born.”
