Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Man working in bong shop not a great advert for the product

A MAN working in a bong shop is an enormous obstacle to sales of the product and the acceptance of cannabis in general. 

Dreadlocked shop assistant Wayne Hayes, 24, looks like the worst kind of stereotypical hippy drop-out and provides slovenly customer service whether or not he is stoned.

Hayes said: “I love getting messed up so I’m the perfect person to sell this stuff. I’ve been hoofing bongs since I was 12. There’s no one better qualified for the job than me.

“It’s a pain having to work in the shop when I could be at home having a spliff, but I’m always promoting the product by mentioning how mashed I got at the weekend.”

Asked about his knowledge of the therapeutic use of cannabis, Hayes said: “I’m not a doctor but I’d say weed definitely prevents cancer. I mean, I’ve never got it.”

Customer Helen Archer said: “I read in the Guardian that cannabis could help with the menopause. I don’t want to smoke tobacco so I went to buy one of those water-pipes.

“When we got to the shop the fellow behind the counter appeared slightly dazed and was reading some sort of pornographic comic. I’ll be sticking with a glass of Rioja if this is what drugs do to you.”