Man’s first meditation session instantly derailed by erection

A MAN’S first attempt to find a more spiritual way of life was scuppered by the almost instantaneous arrival of an erection.

Trainee accountant Tom Logan was hoping to use meditation to combat work stress and prove how deep he is, but was unable to close his eyes without conjuring a sexual scenario.

Logan said: “How can you not think about sex when it’s quiet and candlelit and sort of romantic? Also you’re meant to empty your mind, which just leaves more room for tits.

“No wonder the Buddha is always depicted with his eyes closed and a wry smile. I guarantee you he’s imagining some pretty hot fantasies with sexy lady monks.

“He clearly had meditation boner problems like me, because why is he always wearing loose robes and sitting down?

“Next time I’m going to try meditating with some of that weird yoga music. An erection is no match for the endless wailing of a muesli-munching hippie with a pair of bongos.”