Mashing stuff down plughole 'probably fine', say experts

FORCING things down the plughole is unlikely to have bad consequences, according to boffins who cannot be arsed to walk to the bin.

An intensive six-month research project by the Institute for Studies found that while putting waste matter in the bin is the right thing to do, it is also boring and yucky.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Our studies have led us to the conclusion that forcing a bit of wet beef down the sink isn’t the end of the world.

“Ramming potato peelings, wet bread and bits of cereal down the hole can’t do that much harm, can it? That’s just rigorous science.

“Also no one really knows what’s underneath the plughole anyway. Who’s to say it’s not a special bin for leftover pasta?”

However a rival team at the University of Helsinki has made the controversial claim that the sink will eventually become blocked with rotting matter that is “mega-stinky”.

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Five things to think about doing this weekend before sitting on your arse in pyjamas all day

YOU’RE definitely going to make the most of your weekend. Or you’re going to pretend you are. Here are five excellent things to do this weekend that you won’t.


There’s nothing like a bit of exercise to get your weekend off to a flying start. Except you’re not sure where your swimming costume is and there’s that twat in the fast lane who thinks he’s training for the Olympics. Having a bath and kicking your legs about is probably just as good.


Retail therapy is fun, but then what was the point of paying for Amazon Prime next-day delivery if you’re not going to use it? You’d practically be flushing money down the toilet. Better watch some cartoons instead.

A lovely walk

What better way to appreciate the changing seasons than with an autumnal walk? But where are you going to go? You’ve read a lot about dangerous dogs in parks recently. More telly and a beer from the fridge is the sensible thing to do.

The zoo

You loved the zoo as a kid! Of course, that was before you took into account the ethical implications of keeping wild animals in cages. Spend the day googling ‘ethical zoos’ before giving up and watching The Lion King again. That’s like a zoo.

The pub

The pub is a stimulating social activity that cements friendships and leads to erudite conversation. But you’ve got alcohol at home and let’s face it that’s all that matters. Also they won’t let you wear pyjamas.