Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Men who bring guitars to the park 'worst people ever'

MEN who take their guitars to parks and play them are the worst people in existence, it has been confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that men who think it is acceptable to bring the instrument to spaces where people with ears are present may be evil.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “There’s tough competition to be the worst people ever, what with dictators and murderers and so on, but amateur guitarists in parks came out top.

“We go to parks to relax and to have a nice time, so it takes a special kind of sociopath to subject innocent people to your rancid versions of ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ and ‘Wonderwall’.

“At least dictators and psychopaths are driven by some terrible ideology or internal evil. Men in parks with guitars have no such excuse for their piss-poor Led Zeppelin covers.

“Further tests need to be done, but I firmly believe they are incapable of human empathy. Or they may just be twats.”

Guitarist Josh Hudson said: “Enjoying the sound of birds tweeting and children playing? Don’t get used to it because I’m about to f**k it up with ‘Shape of You’.”