Middle-aged Britain entering awkward leather jacket season

MIDDLE-AGED Britain is officially entering the season where it awkwardly wears leather jackets, it has been confirmed.

Across the country, people aged 40 or over are frowning at themselves in mirrors while wearing expensive leather jackets they are never sure they are pulling off.

Tom Booker of Croydon said: “The anxiety comes in terrible waves.

“I put my black leather jacket on as I was leaving the house and felt like a hip young thing, like an NME journalist or a biker strutting the streets like they were my catwalk.

“Then I saw a pathetic old dude in his, realised he was in fact my own reflection, and the rest of the walk became a skulk of shame hoping nobody I knew saw me pretending to be a rock star.”

Joanna Kramer, aged 46, said: “I spent £350 on this at All Saints because it made me feel like Sandy at the end of Grease, but I worry I look more like when I went to a fancy dress disco as Sandy from Grease when I was in year eight.”

The country’s awkward leather jacket wearers have been advised they need not worry about others staring at them as they are all too busy feeling awkward about their new hats.

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Woman admits they all piss in the shower

A WOMAN has spoiled it for the rest of womankind by admitting they all urinate in the shower. 

Donna Sheridan of Southampton made the shock confession as a parting shot after splitting up with her boyfriend and moving out of his house they shared.

Sheridan said: “Enjoy your showers, Tom. By the way, I was in there every morning pissing like a racehorse and, let me tell you, I didn’t care where it went.

“Whoever you hook up with next? She’ll do it. We all do. Remember when your mum came for the long weekend? I went in the bathroom after her shower. The loo seat was still up.”

Sheridan’s admission has met with mixed reactions. Some women have accused her of ruining it for everyone, while others have expressed relief that it is finally all out in the open.

Boyfriend Tom Logan said: “But me and the lads have discussed this and it’s impossible, because of the angles. That’s science.

“Besides, why would anyone piss in the shower when there’s a perfectly good sink right there?”