Friday, 4th December 2020

Middle class couple want to show you their artisan soap

A MIDDLE CLASS couple are desperate to have friends round to show off the expensive and tasteful artisan soap they have in their bathroom.

Francesca and Tom Johnson choose to demonstrate their impressive wealth through the medium of overpriced and obscure bars of soap, which are often made by impoverished monks.

Francesca Johnson said: “We love asking people over for dinner and demonstrating how much money we’ve pissed up the wall on things you can actually buy very cheaply.

“We even go so far as to cook things that we know will give them the shits, just so we can be sure that they’ll definitely go into the bathroom and see what’s on offer.

“Our favourite at the moment is a sea salt and basil beeswax scrub from an apothecary in Scotland. It’s the scratchy kind with bits of twig and gravel stuck inside it. You have to be careful or you’ll slice your hands open on a genuine Highland thistle.

“You get what you pay for, I suppose. That one’s only £25 a pop.”