Middle class families to open Christmas presents as late as possible

BRITAIN’S middle class families are drawing up plans to wait as long as possible before opening their presents on Christmas Day.

Families determined not to let joy overshadow a day that should be about family are going to increasing lengths to deny all their natural present-opening instincts.

Julian Cook said: “Rather than thoughtlessly enjoying the day, we spend Christmas playing parlour games like we’re Victorians who don’t own a telly.

“Just at the point when we’re ready to kill each other, we have lunch, which no one enjoys because we have charity crackers, so instead of jokes it’s statistics about malaria.

“We enjoy delaying opening presents for the same reason we enjoy sending our children to state school even though we could more-than-afford to go private: we can talk about it loudly at dinner parties.”

Francesca Johnson added: “We’ll spend Christmas morning taking a long, cold family walk so we can all be uncomfortable for as long as possible.

“We’ll be opening our presents on New Year’s Day. For us, Christmas is about taking a stand against commercialisation even though it makes no difference to anyone.”