Friday, 6th December 2019

Middle-class family struggling to outdo themselves

AN extremely middle-class family are struggling to outdo themselves with ostentatious displays of middle-classness. 

The Booker family, who last weekend went guerilla bulb-planting around their local community, cannot imagine what they can do to go even further up their own smug arses this weekend.

Trudy Booker said: “Ballet we’ve done. Graffiti art workshop we did last year. It’s not the season for picking gooseberries and there’s no screening of Jules et Jim at the local arthouse cinema. I’m at my wits’ end.

“The kids make their own gnocchi, Tom’s a part-time acupuncturist, I’m on the doorstops canvassing for Change UK. We simply can’t become any more sanctimonious. We’ve hit our limit.

“I watch the children at night playing their bassoons, learning their Portuguese, guzzling their wasabi peas, and it makes me so sad. Why does the Richard Curtis film of our lives have to end?”

Tom said: “We’ll have to take them to a museum or art gallery or something, with the ordinaries who probably won’t even know we’re better than them.

“Wait, there’s alpaca trekking just a two-hour Range Rover drive away? We’re saved! At least for this weekend.”