Monday, 25th May 2020

Millennial resigns herself to having 'plant babies'

A WOMAN who cannot afford to buy a house and fill it with children has decided to become the 'mum' of her houseplants instead.

Even a pet or ‘fur baby’ would be too much for Francesca Johnson’s limited resources, so she is instead devoting herself to bringing up pot plants she has given names.

Johnson said: “While it would be nice to have kids the only way I could afford to rent a house instead of a bedsit is if I moved to somewhere like Wigan. So that’s out for a start.

“Instead I’m putting all my energy into my ‘plant babies’. They’re less hassle than real children and you can still give them aspirational names. That spider plant’s called Crispian.

“You get the challenging side of parenting too, because they need to be fed and never say please or thank you, just like real kids. And I’ll be able to bond with other parents because it’s going to be a real hassle finding a school that will accept a pot plant.

“But the real upside is that if I get bored and neglect them for several weeks, I can just pop them in the bin without worrying about social services getting involved.”