BRITONS born between 1984 and 2000 drink less alcohol than previous generations because it costs more than a fiver to get shitfaced, research has found.
Other factors, including increased awareness of health risks and the need for smashed avocado on toast, have proved less important than the financial challenge of getting properly trousered three nights a week.
Tom Booker, 19, said: “All my life I’ve heard about the Student Union where one could pay 40p for a pint of ‘Skol’.
“It’s the only reason I got my A-levels and agreed to a 46-grand loan.”
He added: “It’s all bollocks. We don’t drink because it turns out that a pint costs an hour’s wages. As does everything else.
“That’s the one and only reason we’re all against capitalism and shout ‘Defund the police’. Because of that ale lie promise.”
Tom’s mother, Sarah Booker, said: “It’s still fairly cheap down Lidl. You’ll just have to carry on drinking at skate parks until you’re 40.”