FIGHTING aging isn’t all dye and face serums. It’s also sitting through Sam Smith’s new video without provoking the reaction teenagers online are waiting for. And these:
Finding gigs far too loud
Down the front in the mosh pit? No. Sensibly placed three-quarters back? That was the plan, but even with earplugs it’s ridiculous. It hurts, you complain in the corridor to a security guy who hasn’t heard anything since Leftfield in 2000.
Being shocked by raunchy pop videos
You sneered at your parents’ distaste for Madonna or Snoop Dogg. They just didn’t get that these were valid artists expressing themselves, with nudity and sex acts as their palette. Today’s pop stars? Getting their bits out for no reason. Nobody wants to see that.
Enjoying comfortable clothing too much
Skinny jean to straight leg was a fashionable transition; strappy top to fleece covered in dog hair down the pub is not.
Getting passionate about storage solutions
Back then, you kept all you owned in a rucksack. The whole world was your home and memories the only treasure. Now you dream of fitted cupboards in the loft to hold your plastic boxes full of archive NMEs, filed by date.
Ordering the same thing everywhere
Different curry houses offer different variations, for example Gujariti restaurants specialise in vegetarian dishes, Bengali favouring fish, and so on. Lately you don’t even open the menu. You order the lamb rogan josh, because you like it, and everyone else can f**k off.
The best socialising is no socialising
It’s cold, you’re tired and the only mates left who still go out are the boring ones. Who in their right mind would want to go to a pub, with its noise and expense and irritating students, when you can get far more pissed at home with nobody judging you?