Mum gives dog spends

A WOMAN has admitted giving her pet dog a weekly allowance so he can get himself little treats if he want to. 

Sue Traherne, aged 56, gives West Highland Terrier Bobby five pounds a week to spend on whatever he likes so he does not feel like he has to ask her for everything.

She said: “Bobby is a very good boy, so I feel he deserves a degree of monetary independence.

“He’s one of us and gets his spends every Friday to do whatever he likes with. And he’s not spending it all on beer and playing snooker, unlike some people in this house.

“I give it to him in cash, because although he’s perfectly capable of using contactless – he’s intelligent and responsible – I don’t want him losing his card if he gets overexcited chasing a bird.

“He knows it’s not for his meals or vet fees or grooming fees, because I take care of those, but if he fancies buying himself a few chewy chicken strips or a squeaky duck he doesn’t have to come begging to me. And I think that’s made his coat more lustrous.”

Bobby said: “I’ve got £95 stashed in my f**k-off fund. When I reach £150 I’m gone.”

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Daily Mail demands apology from Daily Mail

THE Daily Mail has demanded an official apology from the Daily Mail for ‘scurrilous and inappropriate’ coverage of the Princess of Wales in recent weeks. 

The newspaper is outraged by the baseless and offensive speculation printed within its own pages over the last fortnight, and warned the vicious, evil vultures masquerading as journalists in its employ they will never be forgiven.

An editorial said: “Now we know the truth, the heartless, flint-eyed sadists who write columns for this filthy rag must hang their heads in shame.

“For Liz Jones to claim she feels ‘disrepected’ and ‘royally shafted’ by Kate is a hate crime. If she were dragged behind a car for five junctions of the M1 none of us would be sorry.

“And for Richard Kay – a royal correspondent for God’s sake – to call William’s non-attendance at a memorial an ‘error’ is an insult to a suffering family. He should spend the rest of his days shovelling shit at a pig farm for minimum wage.

“Sarah Vine joined the chorus of mockery, saying ‘How serious a personal matter can it have been when he can’t get away for an hour or so?’ Well you know now, you evil bitch. We should do something to her even worse than being married to Michael Gove.

“The Daily Mail – Britain’s conscience – demands these venal scum-sucking bottom-feeders be punished. Read what Jan Moir has in mind for them in today’s Daily Mail.”