INCOME, age, race and class have proved no obstacle to any British citizen’s inalienable right to drink alcohol whenever they want to.
Despite a cost of living crisis, recession, soaring housing costs and inflation, residents of the UK still manage to find the funds to get drunk whenever they feel it necessary, which is often.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Whether you’re sinking six pints before a non-league game or killing off four mai tais over bottomless brunch, Britain prioritises getting pissed.
“Despite our current challenges, it’s reassuring that so many of us are willing to write off our economic future to attend Wetherspoon’s Curry Club and drink Strongbow Dark Fruits until we’re sick.
“This is the new British stiff upper lip. It’s quite possible the only thing every strata of society can still bond over is their readiness to declare every night to be a drinking night.
“From the builder who doesn’t even change out of his hi-viz before cracking a Carling to the teenagers sharing white cider in the park to boomers blowing their children’s inheritance on the £24 bottles of wine Sainsbury’s puts on the high shelves, we are united.”
Homeless man Steve Malley said: “When I hold a sign saying ‘Hungry and Homeless’ nobody cares. When I hold one saying ‘Need A Drink’ the cash comes pissing in.”
