London woman not sure why she isn't having babies with Tinder f**kbois in her one-room Zone 5 flat

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Bald man secretly wishes he still had hair

A BALD man has admitted that, though nobody would ever suspect it, he would actually prefer to have hair.

Thom Booker, aged 39, has successfully acted like he is completely unbothered by his lack of hair for almost a decade, with not even close family or his girlfriend suspecting that he misses it.

He said: “Most people I know are absolutely convinced I shave my head as an aesthetic choice. That I can’t grow it would be genuinely surprising to them.

“I carry it off so perfectly, the smooth dome set off beautifully by my goatee, placed in ironic brackets by my youthful T-shirts and wardrobe of baseball caps, that it’s just an unquestioned element of my whole drip.

“Not one person in a thousand would guess that sometimes I look at old photos of myself with hair. That I dream of that silky mane flowing naturally from my scalp again. That sometimes I photoshop the hair of Jason Momoa onto myself and weep.

“But, like I say, that’s a complete secret to everyone and they must never find out. I’ll just continue as the confident, sexy, entirely-untroubled-by-baldness guy the world knows and admires.”

28-year-old girlfriend Sophie Rodriguez said: “He thinks we don’t know? Poor, deluded bastard.”