Mum praises kids for decorating tree while thinking ‘what a f**king mess’

A WOMAN is inwardly seething over the colossal disaster her children have made of decorating the Christmas tree. 

Joanna Kramer, from Stevenage, decorated the tree along with her eight-year-old son and six-year-old daughter because it was the right thing to do, but confessed that the resulting atrocity ‘burns her eyes’.

She said: “It was so nice when they were babies. I’d pick a colour scheme, say purple and silver, space it all nicely, and it would look just like the tree in the lobby of a boutique hotel.

“But now we have to do it as a family, because that’s what Christmas is about, and it looks like the explosive diarrhoea of Fairy Fuckwit after too many glitter cocktails.

“They’ve used multi-coloured lights, they’ve got them on flash, they’ve thrown on tinsel with no regard as to whether it matches and the baubles, sweet Jesus. I’m honestly glad when they break.

“My husband said surely it was ‘nicer because the whole family was involved’, as if he has actually lifted a fucking finger to help.

“Everyone has nicer things than me.”