Mum realises she has become unpaid PA to eight-year-old child

A MUM has realised that she has somehow become a PA to her eight-year-old daughter during lockdown. 

Emma Bradshaw has been roped into organising daily conference calls and phone appointments, proofing emails and arranging regular refreshments for her daughter.

Bradshaw said: “I’m not sure how it happened. One minute she was borrowing my phone to chat to her pals, then the next thing you know I’m writing and sending out invites to Zoom meetings for something called The Big Poo Club.

“If I’m not printing out colouring sheets I’m answering video calls from seven-year-old Lily up the road. Then I have to wait for ages to use my own f**king phone while they discuss how many biscuits they ate on Tuesday and whether Elsa is prettier than Anna.

“It’s like I’m doing another full time job, but with the kind of strident, unpredictable boss who would give Priti Patel a run for her money.

“I can’t wait until she goes back to school and I can go back to the less demanding world of being a corporate lawyer.”

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Coronavirus sick of London already

THE coronavirus has confirmed that three months in London is more than enough and it is moving somewhere else for a better quality of life.

Despite being able to withstand seven days on the outside of a plastic bottle, the coronavirus refused to spend another 24 hours in a city where a pint costs upwards of six quid and people think Pret A Manger makes nice food.

The virus said: “I’m looking outside the capital for a place to base myself now. How anyone survives here I have no idea. Everything is either expensive, insufferably twattish, or a combination of both.

“I’d genuinely rather go back to the floor of a wet market or the inside of a bat than live anywhere within the M25. I might be responsible for upwards of 100,000 deaths, but the arseholes that live here really are intolerable.”

Londoners have reacted to the move by suggesting the coronavirus try looking for somewhere affordable in Zone 6, set up a side hustle as a YouTuber, or ask for some money from its parents.