Mum who found teenage son reading White Dwarf magazine wishes he'd been wanking

A MOTHER who accidentally walked in on her son reading fantasy gaming magazine White Dwarf wishes he had been masturbating instead.

Francesca Johnson, who entered her son’s room without knocking, fears the publication will condemn him to a life of painting dwarf miniatures, the Games Workshop and celibacy.

Johnson said: “It’s the moment every mum dreads – walking on in your son furiously reading Warhammer space marine painting tips.

“Why couldn’t he have been wanking over disgusting internet porn like a normal teenager? I deactivated the router’s parental controls specifically to prevent this. 

“He’s getting a completely distorted view of life. He probably thinks he can mention his frag cannon and combat dice and girls will want to jump into bed and do everything.

“If my parents had caught me with this sort of stuff they’d have sat me down and gone through the whole magazine to show me how tragically nerdy it is.”

Son Toby said: “Mum’s worrying about nothing. I completely understand White Dwarf is an exaggerated portrayal of tabletop warfare that real life gaming can’t possibly live up to.”

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Trump found not guilty by a jury of his mates

PRESIDENT Trump has been acquitted by a jury of his supporters, party members and close personal friends. 

The president, who withdrew state aid from the Ukraine for not investigating his Democratic opponents, was luckily cleared of the entirely proven charges by Republican senators who support him. 

Senator John Boozman of Arkansas said: “We, the president’s close political allies who depend on him to remain in power, have considered the evidence and found him to be on our side. 

“We did not allow the calling of any witnesses, because they would only have got in the way of our overwhelming support for this great man. 

“We did retire to consider the charges, but we just sat around saying ‘High-five if you love Trump,’ then high-fiving.

“Then we all voted, in the great tradition of democracy, to find our friend innocent and his accusers guilty, wrong and not worthy of office. As the American people demanded.” 

Trump later tweeted that Senator Boozman was ‘a Boozer and a LOSER! Sad!’ after mistaking him for a Democrat, and then went to bed.