A MOTHER who accidentally walked in on her son reading fantasy gaming magazine White Dwarf wishes he had been masturbating instead.
Francesca Johnson, who entered her son’s room without knocking, fears the publication will condemn him to a life of painting dwarf miniatures, the Games Workshop and celibacy.
Johnson said: “It’s the moment every mum dreads – walking on in your son furiously reading Warhammer space marine painting tips.
“Why couldn’t he have been wanking over disgusting internet porn like a normal teenager? I deactivated the router’s parental controls specifically to prevent this.
“He’s getting a completely distorted view of life. He probably thinks he can mention his frag cannon and combat dice and girls will want to jump into bed and do everything.
“If my parents had caught me with this sort of stuff they’d have sat me down and gone through the whole magazine to show me how tragically nerdy it is.”
Son Toby said: “Mum’s worrying about nothing. I completely understand White Dwarf is an exaggerated portrayal of tabletop warfare that real life gaming can’t possibly live up to.”