THE UK’s middle classes have agreed that without John Lewis there is no point and they may as well wear shell-suits and eat chips in the car outside the chippy.
The announcement that eight more John Lewis stores are to close has left aspirational and comfortably-off people with no reason not to lapse into the easy life of being scum.
Francesca Johnson said: “At the start of the pandemic I used to reassure the children ‘One day we’ll browse those wooden toys again’.
“What do I tell them now? After a year without art galleries, without English Heritage, without pasta-making lessons at their favourite restaurant, their status is already hanging by a thread. Without John Lewis, it’s over.
“Waitrose? Waitrose is just another supermarket that costs more. John Lewis was a whole lifestyle, from furniture to clothes to Christmas. It made me feel good about buying a big telly.
“Without it, why should I bother? Why shouldn’t I watch Emmerdale licking my fingers after a bucket of chicken while the kids swill blue pop and play Fortnite in their bedrooms? Why keep buying artisanal gin? Ultimately, what is the f**king point of a kitchen island?
“No John Lewis, no more illusions. Pass those Superkings and that can of Strongbow. I’m going to enjoy this.”