Tuesday, 26th January 2021

Northerners delighted to see what scum Southerners really are

NORTHERNERS are enjoying the scenes at Bournemouth beach that prove once and for all that Southerners are just scum with fancy accents. 

Huge crowds of idiots flinging litter in Bournemouth, Southend and Durdle Door have confirmed to Northerners that the South might imagine itself posh and cultured, but is actually a cesspit of bull-necked, piggy-eyed, foul-mouthed louts. 

Northerner Jordan Gardner said: “I took a constitutional along the promenade at Morecambe Sands the other day. Everyone was distancing, greeting each other with a polite tip of the hat and taking their rubbish home with them. 

“Meanwhile in Bournemouth, where apparently they think they’re so good, they’re packed onto the sands fighting and f**king and crapping in burger boxes like angry red apes. 

“We’ve let them get away with this myth that they’re better than us for too long. They’re the absolute dregs. People should wind up their windows when they drive through the Cotswolds. 

“The next time I meet someone from Henley-on-Thames, I’m going to thrust a can of Stella and a bucket of KFC into their hands to pacify them then back away carefully.” 

Southerner Julian Cook said: “Yeah, we’re massive arseholes with slightly more money.”