Only idiots enjoy very hot weather, say experts

PEOPLE who relish stifling temperatures of 30-plus degrees have smaller brains than those who do not, experts believe. 

In-depth research by the Institute for Studies found that people whose instinct on a hot day is to get in a car and endure a two-hour traffic jam en route to a crowded beach are usually a bit dense.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The rational response to a weather forecast of 34 degrees should be to stay at home and spend the day in a cool bath reading a book about the siege of Stalingrad in the bitter winter of 1942.

“However people who believe that 10 pints of lager will quench their thirst also think that turning yourself into a a human sun-dried tomato on the beach at Bournemouth is a fun thing to do.”

Brubaker is currently trying to establish a link between sunbathing until your skin is red and painful and other stupid ideas like eyebrow piercings, leaving the EU and joining pyramid schemes. 

He added: “Obviously these idiots won’t listen. Nothing will shake their belief that sweating like a pig for six hours with your top off in a crap local park is an unmissable day out.

“And resembling the Red Skull out of Captain America is just a ‘healthy glow’.”

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Has social media f**ked up your priorities? Take our quiz

ARE your priorities all totally wrong because you live on social media? Find out with our handy quiz.

You’re in the car on holiday. What are you more likely to pull over for?

A) Your toddler crying because she wants to be sick.

B) A photo opp of a field and some fluffy clouds like a billion identical ones on Instagram. 

Your ex calls and says they want to get back together. What are you more likely to do?

A) Listen and weigh up what they’re saying against how you really feel.

B) Post a social media story about your quandary, with a live recording of your chat and some fun question mark stickers. They say a poll gets really good engagement.

Your flat is on fire. What are you more likely to go back inside for?

A) Your sleeping flatmate.

B) Your phone charger.

Your mum makes a lavish roast dinner and is about to serve everyone. What do you do?

A) Say ‘Don’t be silly mum, I’ll do all the serving’.

B) Scream at your family not to touch a thing until you’ve taken the perfect overhead shot of your ‘gorgeous family dinner’, including changing faded plates for better ones, while the food goes stone cold and your mum sobs quietly into the Yorkshire puddings.  

Your sister arrives at the door in floods of tears saying she’s broken up with her partner. What do you do?

A) Hug her, then put on the kettle and get out the Hobnobs.

B) Say you’ll ‘just be a sec’ then ignore her while you finish commenting on a celebrity’s photo of their feet in some flip flops.

Mostly As: Your priorities are probably f**ked anyway, but not by social media specifically. Well done!

Mostly Bs: Social media has taken over your mind. Your brain doesn’t register anything unless it is the precise size of an Instagram square and every crisis means potential likes. #Blessed!