Sunday, 9th May 2021

You're a dickhead until the age of 30, research confirms

NEW research has confirmed that while people are legally adults at 18, they remain immature dickheads until approximately the age of 30.

The Institute for Studies found that connections in the prefrontal cortex are still developing during this period, resulting in you messing up everything you do in life.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Before 30 it is absolutely vital not to have a relationship or make major life decisions like what to study.

“You pose a serious risk to others by dashing other people’s naive romantic ideals with your twattish behaviour, or simply by eating all the bread and leaving the fridge door open all night because you were laughing at a dog skateboarding on TikTok.

“However, there are activities that are also actively harmful to yourself, such as reproducing yourself in the form of a baby that then also needs looking after for another 30 years.”

Despite the findings, Brubaker said he was considering extending the age range to 40 for males. 

He said: “While women more or less sort themselves out at 30, men will happily spend another decade on their parents’ sofa saying they ‘might become a graphic designer’ while eating all the Kit Kats.”