ARE you a wealthy middle-class person sick of getting grief from people with so-called ‘real’ problems? Prove that your life has as much hardship as anyone’s:
The boat takes up too much room in the garden
It might’ve seemed like a fun idea to purchase a powerboat, but that fibreglass leviathan has damn near blocked off your side-gate. Ludicrous feats of manoeuvring are now required to park both Range Rovers on the drive.
The racket from the music room
Of course you don’t mind paying for the children’s oboe lessons, but do they have to practice so loudly? We all love listening to Beethoven’s 5th but you should be able to read the Financial Times in peace.
A lawn that just won’t quit
Your insistence on owning a home with a garden ‘big enough for the kids to run around’ has come back to bite you. Who’d have thought that maintaining close to an acre of lawn at garden show standard would require so much labour?
Inaccessible holiday home
Your accountant warned you that buying that villa in Tuscany was a fool’s errand. You hate to admit it but, what with the three hour drive to the nearest airport and the exorbitant upkeep, he might have had a point, however charming the view is.
Discomfort when interacting with your cleaner
It’s so lovely to have a woman ‘who comes round to help with the cleaning’. You never refer to her as a ‘cleaner’ as you consider that demeaning. Far less humiliating to go through an awkward pantomime of acting like she’s a helpful friend instead of paid staff.