Friday, 22nd January 2021

Man who's given up weed needs entirely new music collection

A MAN who has quit smoking weed realises that he can no longer listen to any of the bands he previously enjoyed, from Genesis to Snoop Dogg. 

Tom Logan recently gave up marijuana after two decades of spliffs, and is unable to find a CD in his collection whose stoned meanderings do not annoy him.

Logan said: “I’m not an idiot. I knew Cypress Hill would immediately lose their appeal.

“But it turns out that Mogwai, Ride, Sasha DJ mixes, Kanye West and Café Del Mar compilations, diverse as they may seem, all have one thing in common: you need to be out of your box to enjoy them.

“Does cannabis exist because people need it to enjoy Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry, or does Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry exist so stoned people have something to listen to? F**ked if I know.

“I’m getting bang into Dire Straits instead. Now that’s music you can enjoy with no more intoxicants than a big car and a quiet stretch of the M1.”