Parents with small children going on holiday because they’re insane

PARENTS with toddlers are leaving under their own volition for a summer holiday of nerve-shredding anxiety because they are out of their minds.

Nikki and Tom Hollis are willingly spending two weeks in foreign surrounds negotiating a minefield of potential toddler hazards under the guise of a ‘relaxing break’.

Nikki Hollis said: “We survived the 10 hour car journey by having ‘wheels on the bus’ on constant rotation which did have a slight effect on Tom who gnawed through his seatbelt.

“We’ve been chillaxing with a glass of Rose whilst keeping on a military level high alert for the open pool, dangerous reptiles and sun exposure.

“Tomorrow we’re going on a boat trip to see all the beautiful scenery with one eye whilst the other is permanently trained on the two toddlers trying to jump over the side or pull an old woman’s pants down.”

Nikki’s mother Betty said: “When we had kids we didn’t go to cafes and we certainly did go on holidays with little children because it just wasn’t part of the culture but mainly because you would have to be off your fucking nut to do it.”