DRAGGING damp sandwiches into wilderness to be bothered by wasps has been confirmed as the most stressful way to eat a meal.
Research by the Institute for Studies found that the only people who enjoy consuming food without a chair, table, crockery and hygienic surroundings are depraved masochists.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The people we surveyed complained about the usual things: the weather, being swarmed by insects, the fact that cling film turns anything wrapped in it into a sweaty, squishy pulp.
“Also mentioned was needing stitches after being attacked by rabid seagulls and being struck by lightning while sheltering under a tree eating crisps in a thunderstorm.
“However, despite this reality, picnics have developed a romantic image and people persist in attempting to enjoy them, spending hundreds of pounds on things like foil-backed blankets as if it will stop them nearly being trampled by cows.
“It’s as if their minds are wiped each time, even though the majority of picnics end up with people eating scotch eggs in a lay-by while desperately trying to ignore the dogging couple a few cars down.”