Sunday, 9th August 2020

Posh twat family commandeers two square miles of park for picnic

A FAMILY of posh twats has roped off two square miles of a public park to have a fancy picnic. 

The family have reserved different areas for dining, drinks, kids’ entertainment and a good-natured game of rounders, and are passive-aggressively asking any strangers who stray across them not to.

Eleanor Shaw said: “We wouldn’t normally come to a public park but Boris did say we were to meet in a public place.

“No, but seriously it’s perfect for our socially-distanced soirée. We’ve set up the barbecues under the trees, there are blankets and hampers over there, and everyone else can just walk around the edges.”

Dog walker Nathan Muir said: “Literally about 60 per cent of the park so they can sit there drinking Pimm’s and eating chargrilled beef burgers off china plates. Selfish bastards.

“Still, at least they don’t grunt as much as the caveman fitness training class that usually has it.”