Reading graphic novels, and other male hobbies that really get the ladies going

WOMEN love a man with interests – especially if they’re as sexually-charged as these. If you’re not already a devotee of one of these hobbies, try them and brace yourself for a sexual tsunami.

Steam engines

When you drag her to a crappy village in the middle of nowhere to look at a metal hulk that travels at 12mph, ask yourself – how turned on do you want your girlfriend to be? If the answer is ‘gagging for it’, be sure to drop in lots of facts about how this later model differs from the one you saw last week in similar, if not identical, circumstances.

Reading graphic novels

Women go weak at the knees at the thought of a man who reads – especially if his books of choice have pictures in them. They find superheroes particularly intellectually impressive. After you’ve shown her your collection of mint condition first editions, suggest she dress more like the impossibly busty heroines on the page. She’ll be undressing faster than you can say ‘She-Hulk’.

Fly fishing

Women love the idea of a macho survivalist type like Bear Grylls who can provide for them with his bare hands, or in your case hundreds of pounds of fishing tackle. Take her fishing one weekend – she’ll be soaking wet in more ways than one after a 7am start at the canal, reeling in exotic species like ‘perch’ and ‘trout’.

Clay pigeon shooting

There’s something inherently erotic about the act of firing a gun. Maybe it’s a bit like an ejaculating cock? Anyway, watch her lose control of her faculties as you don tweeds and protective earmuffs to shoot at falling bits of plate, tacitly assuring her that in the event of a pottery-based war, she’d be safe with you.


Shakespeare once said something like ‘Beer is the food of love’. Prove him right by getting your lady friend involved in cleaning out your homebrew pressure barrel and measuring out yeast. Or give her a special night out at you and your mates’ beer-tasting evenings at the local flat roof pub. But be careful. Heavy stouts are a powerful aphrodisiac.

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Five reasons why you can't quite bring yourself to delete Facebook

YOU know Facebook is a cynical corporation partly responsible for the f**ked up state of the world and yet you can’t bring yourself to delete it. Here are your lame reasons why not.

You might miss something important

Like what? 37 targeted ads for Nutribullets because you happened to Google it three weeks ago? Pictures of an ex-colleague’s children who you’ve never met? There is nothing important on Facebook, ever. If you want to know how your friends are, send them a text. If you haven’t got their number, they aren’t your friend.

It’s the only way you can legitimately spy on your secondary school crush

You never got over Clare who you sat next to in maths, and Facebook allows you to stoke your creepy longing by showing you photos of her doing parkruns and selling unwanted handbags. If you deleted Facebook you might never see her again, which you don’t want, despite the fact that it might allow you to save your own slowly-failing marriage.

There are treasured photos on there

Are there really? Yes, you went through a lengthy phase of uploading 100 pictures taken on a digital camera after every night out circa 2009, but blurry snaps of you shitfaced in a club are not treasured. If you wouldn’t have it printed and framed, it should vanish forever into a digital black hole.

It means you remember friends’ birthdays

If the only way you wish your friends ‘happy birthday’ is a hastily written Facebook message after it pops up on your timeline, you don’t deserve them. It takes little effort to buy a birthday calendar and write them all down, and you might find that people actually bother to invite you to their parties because it seems like you care.

You can’t be arsed

The ultimate reason you can’t bring yourself to delete Facebook is because it’s a hassle. They don’t make it easy and if you have to do anything more taxing than click a button that says ‘Delete profile’ you fall at the first hurdle. Therefore you deserve to have your data harvested by Mark Zuckerberg and his sinister cronies forever.