Saturday, 4th April 2020

Receipts at bottom of woman's handbag enough to wipe arse on for three years

A WOMAN is unconcerned about running out of loo roll because she has at least 3,000 crumpled receipts in her handbag.

Jo Kramer also has a stash of Costa napkins, shopping lists dating back to 2018 and three once-cute now coffee-stained notebooks she can use if it comes to it.

She said: “Toilet roll shortage? Should have thought ahead, like I did.

“I’ve been repurposing my receipt collection for years in inhospitable situations like the toilets in any gig venue, so this post-Andrex wasteland holds no fear for me.

“I find the Tesco ones particularly absorbent and I’ve used a classy receipt for a smoothie maker from from John Lewis three times now.

“I’ve also used pages of my office diary, old Starburst wrapper and a pre-packed tuna sandwich from a Shell garage, which performed far better for that than it did as a sandwich.”

Retail manager Wayne Hayes said: “This is the reason we still issue paper receipts. We want our customers to know that even in the face of disaster, we have literally got their arses covered.”