THERE seems to be a switch that is flipped in the minds of many men once they hit middle age that causes them to fixate on certain household chores. Like these:
In their mid-40s, suburban males will become engaged in a futile struggle for dominance over their lawn. They’ll start endlessly mowing and vainly attempting to cover over brown patches while enviously peering at Tony next door’s lawn which is always a f**king pristine green carpet.
For middle aged men, the recycling has nothing to do with the environment, it’s simply about control. Not following the council’s incredibly specific rules is a personal failing. Expect a full scale inquest reminiscent of the Nuremberg Trials if someone puts a bean can in without fully rinsing it.
Cleaning the car
Middle age is when many people are able to afford a car that hasn’t had 17 previous owners with 100,000 miles on the clock. Now they finally own a vehicle that doesn’t resemble a motorised skip, some dads become obsessed with cleaning it regularly, displaying levels of diligence and concern almost entirely absent from their parenting.
James Dyson is to blame for turning vacuum cleaners into state-of-the-art, must-have gadgets for dads. A whole generation of fathers now spend their evenings brandishing cordless hoovers, imagining themselves to be Ghostbusters battling Gozer, when really they’re just hoovering up bits of crisps from the carpet.
Stacking the dishwasher
Many men stack dishwashers as if they’ll be reviewed by the state. Rather than just chucking in all their dishes, they’ll stack plates in order of size, and arrange their cutlery by type. The thrill they get from an orderly dishwasher may be compensating for their diminishing sex life.