AS the cost of living crisis bites, we’re all looking for money saving tips. These will guarantee you’ll end up spending more than you would have in the first place.
Go to charity shops
Second hand clothes will cheaper than new, you think, rifling through the racks at the local RSPCA shop. But weirdly this isn’t true, as even the stuff from Primark is cheaper in actual Primark. After spending £40 on a few items that begin to smell disgusting and fall apart after you’ve worn them for ten minutes, you go to H&M, where the clothes are expensive, but at least clean.
Only buy reduced food
Limiting your supermarket shopping to stuff that’s got a yellow sticker is a great way to save pennies, except a lot of it is shit that you don’t actually like. That vegan coleslaw will sit in the fridge for a few days while you build up the mental strength to eat it, and when you do finally open it, it’s way past its sell-by date. It goes straight in the bin and you get a ruinously expensive Deliveroo instead.
Get into candles
As well as saving money on electricity, candles provide a romantic atmosphere, and often a nice smell. However, after seeing how much a Yankee sodding Candle costs, you opt for cheap tea lights, which you need a lot of to cast any light. After leaving them unattended with the dog for two minutes, the carpet gets badly singed, which will cost a lot more to replace than your energy bills would have.
Share your streamers
Save a bit of cash by sharing your Netflix and Disney+ passwords with family: everyone chips in and, hey presto, you’ll have five different ways to waste your evenings for the price of one. Until your brother doesn’t actually transfer you his cut and your sister-in-law gets ill and you feel bad harassing her for the money. In the end you’re just resentfully funding everyone’s Better Call Saul habit out of your own pocket.
Take a packed lunch
If you don’t forget to make it, leave it on the bus, or pack it so badly that all you’re left with is a rucksack full of hummus and mushed salad, you won’t want to eat it because packed lunches are never appetising. Instead you’ll give into the siren call of a Boots meal deal or a Pret toastie, meaning you’ll end up paying twice over as well as feeling guilty. It’s lose-lose.