Friday, 13th December 2019

Shivering wreck of a man too hard to use umbrella

A MAN would rather be a shivering mess on the verge of pneumonia than use an umbrella and look soft.

Office worker Tom Logan insists on going out in the rain wearing just a jacket and getting soaked through, in a weird and unnecessary attempt to look tough.

Logan said: “These snowflakes with their brollies are pathetic. It’s only a bit of rain, although admittedly I am so wet and cold I’m visibly shaking. 

“You won’t find me poncing about with an umbrella getting in everyone’s way. I’m more your rugged, no-nonsense type who doesn’t mind being soaked and uncomfortable for no reason. 

“I also like to have my hands free for manly stuff like fighting and eating pasties. I’m sure women are impressed when they see me walking down the high street looking like a drowned rat.”

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I wish Tom would just use a s*dding umbrella. Getting a bit damp on the way to Waitrose does not make him Tyson Fury.”