Thursday, 15th April 2021

Single man changing duvet cover trying to remember how he did it this time last year

A BACHELOR replacing his duvet cover with a clean one is facing his annual battle to remember how the f**k it is done.

Tom Logan last changed his bed linen before lockdown and was forced to do it again when the smell became unbearable, resulting in a tussle that lasted several hours.

Logan said: “We can send a rover to Mars but when it comes to making a duvet cover a lazy single man can put on, we’re in the Stone Age.

“I found myself crawling on my belly across the bed like Andy McNab on a mission in occupied territory holding two cover corners in search of two corners of duvet. Could I find them? Of course not.

“Then I tried just stuffing the duvet in but that just resulted in a big lump that somehow could not be flattened out.” 

Logan has currently settled for the compromise of sleeping under the bare duvet with the cover on top. 

He added: “Don’t think I’m giving up. That duvet is my obsession, my Moby Dick. I’ll make it fit somehow. So I’ve phoned my sister and she’s coming over to do it. First time I’ll have seen her in a year.”