SOME weddings are simple affairs where all that matters is love. Others are clearly a big distraction from the inevitable break-up. Like these.
A great option if you want family and friends to be as financially burdened and annoyed about your wedding as you are. What better way to get their blessing than force them to spend several hundred pounds on flights to Sri Lanka because you think a beach wedding will look nice on Instagram?
This one is personal, because it celebrates that time you and your partner got off your tits on MDMA at Shambala and declared your love for one another. Neither of you are sure you actually meant it, but your parents have paid for the food vans, bands and ruinously expensive yurts now, so it’s not up for discussion.
As well as burdening everyone financially, why don’t you make sure you massively inconvenience them too? Getting married on Christmas Day means they have to change their usual plans and also bankrupt themselves with festive period travel prices. The guilt of knowing you’re the reason your best man missed his last Christmas with his gran will keep you together for a good five years longer than you should be.
Nothing screams ‘this marriage is doomed’ louder than a wedding based around unrealistic happily-ever-after stories from children’s films. It will be a tacky fancy dress nightmare for your guests, who will only be able to alleviate the misery of the day by placing bets on how many weeks your union is going to last.
While using recycled elements in your wedding sounds like it’s going to be cheaper, it actually costs way more than buying a load of plastic tat and then binning it after. And, while an ethically sourced menu and biodegradable confetti are better for the environment, what would have been best of all is if you realised you had commitment issues a year ago and didn’t bother in the first place.