Friday, 4th December 2020

Smug couple with smug baby live in smug house with smug garden

AN unbearably smug couple have imbued smugness into every aspect of their lives, it has emerged.

Frequently sharing their idyllic life on Facebook and Instagram, Joseph and Helen Turner have managed to make even inanimate objects appear self-satisfied.

Joseph, wearing a wide, shit-eating grin, said: “Things have been going well for Helen and I. While some of our friends have had to scrimp and save for a mortgage, we were lucky enough to move into the beautiful but well-situated cottage her grandparents left her.

“Since we moved we’ve just gone from strength to strength. Helen became pregnant immediately and on maternity leave found she had a real knack for landscape gardening.”

Speaking from their expensive sofa, Helen went on: “Joseph has a well-paid but worthy job in the City, working in the charity sector, and he’s able to work from home most days.

“Our son Nathaniel is a happy, healthy boy and very advanced for his age. We’ll probably spawn an equally adorable sibling for him soon. We’re also getting a Labrador puppy so our family photos will make people with mediocre lives incredibly depressed.

“We’re just so grateful to have all these lovely things in our life, and be able to share it on social media all the f**king time.”