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Socks and sliders just as unacceptable as socks and sandals

PAIRING socks with sliders looks just as ridiculous as wearing socks with any other kind of sandal, it has been confirmed.

Sliders are so similar to sandals in terms of build and functionality that wearing them with socks is no better than when your dad wore grey socks with his brown leather buckle-up sandals on the Algarve in 1997.

Fashion expert Nikki Hollis said: “Sliders are designed for poolside and beach. Socks are there to keep your feet nice and warm. Is it obvious why they’re a bad match yet?

“This isn’t an archaic rule of fashion like making sure your belt and shoe colour match which only women and gay guys understand. It’s like wearing a bikini and a scarf. Even straight men can see that.

“And no, a Nike tick or Adidas stripes or Balenciaga doesn’t make it okay. If anything it makes it worse. You know about fashion, and you’re flopping around like a grandad in Crocs going to the toilet block on an Oswestry caravan site?”

Socks-and-sliders wearer Ryan Whittaker said: “What about if the socks are a dazzling white and pulled halfway up my shins? That looks cool and not like a stereotypical German tourist, right?”

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The five worst times of the day to have a meeting

THERE is never a good time for a business meeting as they achieve nothing and never have, but these times are worse than others: 

9am

Straight in and straight into a meeting, having half-skimmed what it’s about in the two minutes before finding out it’s happening, expected to give an update on your work? Meetings scheduled at this time are nothing more than a clever management tactic to ensure you aren’t late. They cannot be productive.

Straight after your last meeting

‘Finally,’ you think, as your two-hour 9am ends at 11am, ready to begin your day’s work. No. Because another meeting is just beginning, your regular catch-up where you’re asked what you’ve been doing that morning and ‘I was in a meeting,’ isn’t an acceptable excuse. Improvise well or another meeting could be scheduled.

Lunchtime

Few enough things are sacred in this secular world, and lunch is one. As stipulated in your contract these hallowed hours are yours to drift through town, eat a Greggs sausage roll and browse the DVDs in CEX. You would go to war to defend this privilege. So what if it’s the only time the client’s free? They can f**king wait.

2.30pm

The post-lunch slump has kicked in. You’re so drowsy you keep greying out inbetween mindlessly clicking tabs, and planning to keep this up until EOP. Except some knob-end’s scheduled a brainstorming meeting for you and six other braindead carb-crashers that results in two pages of dreamy squiggles on a flip-chart.

5pm

You finish at 5pm. You only stay longer to avoid traffic. You sit in this atrocity of a meeting watching your free time dwindle, aware that someone somewhere is watching Pointless. You didn’t have any plans for the evening but that’s not the point; your boss has stolen a small chunk of your life. You’re doing f**k all tomorrow as revenge.

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