Saturday, 4th April 2020

Spending day in dressing gown fine if you've paid £280 to be at a spa

FESTERING in a sweaty towelling gown all day is only acceptable if you have paid to do it at a luxury spa.

Experts have confirmed that spending a large amount of money to sit around shedding skin into a belted robe transforms it into an integral part of a wellness regime, instead of being merely lazy and disgusting.

Eleanor Shaw, who paid £280 to spend a day at a country hotel getting wet, then drying off in a robe while eating sandwiches and cake, said: “It’s worth every penny to be able to act like a total slob and call it ‘pampering’.

“It’s what I would have been doing at home anyway, except I can put this on Instagram without people thinking I’m having a breakdown.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Although relaxation is essential for health, there is still a stigma attached to being an idle bastard who leaves their bits hanging loose under towelling all day.

“Overpriced spa retreats have commodified being a slovenly layabout. It’s capitalism at its finest.”