Still worse camping in Wales, British families claim

BRITONS evacuated from Rhodes due to wildfires do not know how lucky they have it, a family camping on the North Wales coast believe. 

The Booker family who have been camping near Colwyn Bay since Saturday, during which time a month’s rain has fallen, believe both experiences prove holidays are now impossible.

Tom Booker said: “I feel sorry for those people forced to flee and leave their luggage behind. But we can’t leave the site. The car’s tyres just spin in the mud. We’re living off dry cereal.

“There’s a stream running through the tent. Our shoes squelch. Visibility is around 30 feet, not because of smoke but mist. I think Britons need to accept that holidaying is over.

“You can’t go to Europe, because it’s unbearably hot and/or on fire. You can’t holiday in Britain because we now have summer-long monsoons. You can’t afford to go anywhere else.

“We’ll eventually trudge home from here, caked in mud like we’ve been in the Somme, high-five our smoke-blackened neighbours back from Corfu, close our doors and never leave the house ever again.”

Daughter Ellie Booker said: “One day I will tell my grandchildren I was from the last generation to go on holiday, and it was shit.”

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Date night ruined by pretty waitress

A COUPLE’S romantic night out has been ruined by the presence of their heartbreakingly attractive 22-year-old waitress. 

Tom and Nicky Logan planned to enjoy their usual meal before returning home for scheduled two-position sex before a vision of loveliness sashayed over to take their order and ruined everything.

Nicky said: “I’ve had my hair done, my nails done and my fanny waxed. We’ve made a reservation and hired a babysitter. Then this bitch.

“She comes over to our table, tall, blonde, pillow-lipped with glowing skin, looking straight from the Paris catwalk, and we both looked down and winced.

“This is the closest Tom could get to a woman like that without crossing moral lines in Bratislava. Instead of a night spent gazing into my eyes, he spent the evening staring solidly at his napkin for fear he’d be lost in the valley of her cleavage.

“Meanwhile, I have to look coolly into the middle distance and pretend not to notice that I’m being outshone in the eyes of my husband when she asks how we’re enjoying our mozzarella sticks.”

Tom Logan said: “The waitress in Cafe Rouge is over 60 and has some kind of growth on her face. We should have gone there.”