Success! This man has made it to 40 without having any real responsibilities 

A MAN who recently hit 40 has somehow managed to do so without taking on anything that could be considered a responsibility.

Stephen Malley is celebrating reaching his fifth decade without having to deal with annoying hassles like a wife, kids, mortgage or a stressful job he hates.

Malley said: “I didn’t start out meaning to not have any responsibility, but the more I’ve seen my friends take on, the less fun it looks.

“I work in a pub three streets from where I live. I get my parents to drop me off, which is easy as I still live with them. Not moving out has saved me a fortune and, no disrespect, but they’ll be dead soon which means I’ll have a three-bed semi all to myself.

“I spend my free time, which I have loads of, doing whatever I please with the added benefit of not being too skint, tired or busy to enjoy it. It’s brilliant.”

Best friend Tom Logan said: “Stephen’s basically like a big kid. He wastes all his money on clothes, video games and booze. Yes, he has no stress but his life has zero meaning. Seriously, if he died tomorrow, nobody would really miss him. The lucky bastard.”

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Couple with massive Edwardian house claim being cold all the time is part of its 'character'

A COUPLE claim that having to wear a bobble hat indoors all day is a desirable feature of their draughty old house.

Emma and Nathan Muir say their home has character and therefore it is worth being f**king freezing and spending a fortune on heating which produces no discernible change in the temperature.

Emma Muir said: “Having viewed the property during a heatwave, we did not consider that winter would involve huddling round the fireplace like Victorian urchins, rather than posting smug Instagram photos of our high ceilings.

“Yes, I do have to leave my clothes in a pile by the bed and then get dressed under the duvet. But I get to look up at some original cornicing while I do it. And that’s what really counts, isn’t it? Not the actual liveability of a home.

“I think I’m getting rheumatism, but the permanent discomfort is a small price to pay for the original stained glass in our front door, even if a gale-force wind is howling through the gaps in the old wood.

“Some friends of ours have just bought a properly insulated new build house with triple glazing, and am I jealous? Well, yes, actually, I am.

“But don’t tell Nathan, because I’m the one who insisted that living in this creaky old ice box would make us happy.”