Tedious twats with totally ordinary house want to give you ‘the tour’

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

Tom and Emma Booker recently greeted guests Nathan and Sarah Muir by asking if they would like to do the tour now or “save it for later”, as if they gave a shit.

Sarah Muir said: “I’m not saying they over-egged the ‘tour’, but I could literally already see 90% of the house from the hallway.

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it, it’s just a completely typical house with Ikea furniture and a doormat that says ‘Live, Laugh, Love’. It probably doesn’t qualify for its own Lonely Planet guide.”

Husband Nathan agreed: “It’s got a living room, kitchen, hallway – you know, the things in a house. What Tom and Emma were really asking us was ‘Do you want to see a couple of bedrooms and the bog?’”

Emma Booker said: “This is the master bedroom – sorry about the mess. This is the bathroom, we haven’t decorated it yet and oh, don’t look in there yet, it’s full of boxes.

“Isn’t it exciting?”