Sunday, 27th September 2020

Thank f**k for that, say parents as children's parties are banned by law

PARENTS have thanked f*ck after new Covid rules make it illegal for 15 hyperactive kids to smash up their house.

Mums and dads are pleased to be able to tell children that their friends cannot come round because the prime minister said so, rather than because they are nasty little shits.

Donna Sheridan said: “I never thought I’d thank this government of pricks for anything but I could kiss Boris Johnson for getting me out of this year’s fairy unicorn hellscape.

“You carefully prepare for organised fun like musical statues and then the kids turn up and spend four hours smearing jam on your telly and vomitting on your pets.

“Then after they’ve trashed your house you give them a bag of presents as a thank you.

“F*ck that.”